Shared Outlet

*Anonymous*

(I’ve started to write my feelings down and how I feel within the moment taking your advice just want to send you this read in your own time or whenever)

Note to self

Scared

The google definition of scared is “thrown into or being in a state of fear, fright, or panic”. Being scared is a feeling no one ever wants to feel, whether it be scared of snakes, spiders or even being scared of death. A lot of people feel fear in different ways not being successful in life is one of my biggest fears in life, the idea of not wanting to achieve all the things that I’ve wanted or not being able to help those I care about or those around me who need it. I personally suffer from severe case of anixety, it prevents me from doing a wide range of things I have doubts within myself I don’t have much confidence in a lot of things I start off at. Whenever I do anything it feels hard to stay 100% confident I always have doubts with what I do and what I can do, I start a new job on Monday May 9th but I have doubts on the job and doubts within myself. I feel cold feet even though this was something I somewhat wanted I would have preferred something much more comfortable something that I’ve done before or have confidence in it but this is a complete new field for me this is starting a career this is starting a life. I have to be able to push myself constantly regardless of the situation dealing with constant rejection and still wanting to continue to get commission in order to live in this life. What this job contains you need to be determined and resilient or you’ll not succeed. My anxiety forces me to have thoughts that I won’t be able to be successful in this field or even succeed in it and as I had mentioned before not being successful is one of my biggest fear, if I notice that I’m not going to succeed in something or even have the slightest of doubts I will want to quit. However, the problem is that this is a career driven sort of place so it will be difficult for me to want to quit or even want to give up. I’ve had numerous of people give me advice in terms of how to deal with my anxiety or how to deal with this job issue, my heads been all over the place in terms of what to do I’m very much confused but to be honest and realistic I want to work I need money to want to do what I want to do in life. It’s hard to remain positive when you don’t know what the future holds I try to make myself believe that if I don’t care what happens and go with the mentality of whatever happens happens but it’s hard when your career is something you care about. I’ve prayed and I try to speak to God about my doubts within myself and the anxiety that I deal with but it doesn’t seem to be working because each time I still remain to feel the same way, maybe the path I’m walking down is all apart of God’s plan and I’m just currently unable to see it but I pray that God is be able to remove the spirit of self doubt from me, I pray that he gives me borrowed strength, borrowed courage and bravery when I run low. I have faith that everything happens for a reason and even if Im not successful in this new job I will let it run its course until the journey has ended. It’s okay to say you’re scared it’s alright to feel self doubt at times but the matter is keeping faith the idea of what’s to come is going to be better than what you had yesterday or the previous year. Keeping faith and patience but with patience you have to remain 100% positive whilst waiting for the better days to come. God I write this message as I feel depressed I feel sad I feel lonely I feel self doubt more than anything but Lord I know as long as I walk in faith you’ll always walk with me regardless of where I am in life. This is something I will be able to overcome and no longer be scared to do what I need to do in order to be successful. I write this straight from the heart not the mind logic and feelings don’t add up together you’ll never find logic in how you feel. Don’t let people say you shouldn’t feel a way because x y z embrace your feelings accept them when you try push them to the side is when you are running from your problems accept the situation and want to do better and grow. I pray God heals all of us with our own secret pain we hide from the world being scared is something I feel always but I’m working on being a better me in order to grow and be strong, may God bless me on my journey and help me become something that I couldn’t even imagine to be, this is me and I hope I can look back at this and say wow I’ve grown so much or for anyone reading this I hope they’re able to understand the depth of emotions and that they’re able to understand their own and embrace them so that they could grow into something great even greater than they once were.